Monday, September 10, 2012

Vacationing: Not for the Weak

We're ba-ack! Vacation, or a slightly more stressful week spent with in-laws sleeping on a pullout couch and sharing a bathroom with 4 other adults as I like to call it, was more or less as expected.

Although this vacation didn't leave me with that post-holiday refreshed and revived feeling, I did learn some important vacationing with The Kid lessons.

1. The stroller line at security and pre-boarding are reasons enough to have kids. Oh you've been waiting for 2 hours in this line? Haha. See ya suckas!

2. The Kid thinks vacation means "kicking daddy out of the big bed and getting an all night boob buffet" All week.

3. When your brother in law suggests you hike New England's tallest mountain with your 25 lb baby...overnight...laugh silently at his naiveté then let him carry the baby around the mall for 30 minutes. Bask in his repentance.

4. Fact: Maple syrup by the tablespoon is not a good breakfast alternative for an 8 month old. Somehow grandparents, even those who are medical professionals, do not believe this fact.

5. Even though your child has never woken up at 6:00 am before, inevitably he will wake up every single morning of vacation at 6:00 am. Bribery is not effective at this age. But eye gouging is effective at waking mommy up.

6. Airplane windows and elderly Russian women's fur coats can provide hours of entertainment on a plane. Side note: Elderly Russian women do not like sticky baby fingers and snotty baby faces on their fur coats.

7. Even though your child has never screamed in his car seat before, inevitably he will scream at the top of his lungs for 30 minutes straight while you are lost in the middle of nowhere on a damn mountain with zero phone service. Fun times.

8. Listen to your husband when he says you'll regret feeding the baby those refried beans at lunch. Just trust me on this one.

9. Don't play Monopoly with my husband. He's a fascist.

10. Personal space is a concept lost on 8 month olds. Peeing on your aunt the first time you meet her, reaching over to run your fingers through a stranger's long white beard, patting the back of a bald man's head and sticking your head through airplane seats to stare and velociraptor scream at the people behind us are all acceptable behavior to an 8 month old.

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