A) Your Instagrammed vignette filtered photo of your handcuff Harlequin casually on purpose set on your nightstand does not make you badass. It does not make you seem mysterious and sexy. It makes you look like a sheep. Baaaa.
and B) I
Oh, lest we forget C) She's an idiot. Bless her heart, but she is. Point: “My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils.” What.the.eff.
and lemme add D) It's good ol' Twi-hard fan fiction folks. You heard it right. You bet your ever lovin' life she originally wrote and posted this under the handle SnowQueens IceDragon. Honest to god.
Not to mention E) It's hard to read while rolling your eyes.
So there. Now you know why I refuse to be part of this gang of sexually pent up 50 freaks. I can't trust you. I don't know if one day we'll be hanging out, picking out bath towels at Bed, Bath and Beyond and then suddenly you're all like, "Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?"and then the next thing I know...I'm stuck in a slightly dirty version of a terrible romance novel speaking in British phrases, repeating adjectives, misusing words and lost in a bad plot. Oh yes please, said no one ever.